Living in the Dark
by another-enigma
Summary: Alyssa Fields' journey through Hogwarts, mainly set during OotP. It will steadiy get darker and will contain violence and selfharm references etc.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfiction so I really hope you enjoy it. Constructive criticism would be very much appreciated because it's the only way you can really see what you're doing wrong and improve. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I am not JKR so I do not own anything! Actually that's really lucky because I doubt I would have made anywhere near as good a job of the books as she did. **

Before the Begining

The house was enveloped in a thick silence. It seeped into every space and through every doorway like poisoned honey. Nothing was moving. The shape on the floor wasn't moving. It simply lay, a huddled mass on the ground.

Something shifted subtly as, upstairs, something stirred. A little girl, a girl who was surly much too young for all of this, crawled out from under a bed. She was tiny, her delicate skin was china white, contrasting greatly from her dark hair. She got to get feet and crept towards the door. She moved through the house soundlessly, as if she was used to staying silent. She stopped when she reached the living room, her pale shape shone in the doorway. She stood very still, her little hand in her mouth, staring uncertainly at the shape on the floor. After what seemed like an age she moved forwards, closing the door behind her, shutting out the rest of the house.

"Daddy?" She asked quietly. He didn't reply. He couldn't. The little girl he, she kneeled down beside his broken form. "_Daddy_" she said again, more insistently this time. Her voice rang like a knife through the house. She looked down at her ruined father, she peered into his unseeing eyes.

"Wake up. Daddy wake up." There was a hint of pleading in her voice now. He didn't wake, of course he didn't. The girl's eyes lingered on him for a moment longer, then she got up and pulled a thin blanket of the sofa. She covered the body of her father in it as carefully as her two-year-old hands would allow, tucking it right up to his chin like he always did for her.

"Good night" she said quietly. And she didn't move, she just sat next to the body. She didn't cry, she knew he was only sleeping. He would wake up when he wasn't so very tired anymore. The girl stayed there, motionless, for hours. Shadows lengthened and gradually she became hungry, her daddy would feed her when he woke up. He wouldn't leave her, he loved her. He had told her so.

Something was in the hall, someone was moving, walking towards where they were. The child didn't move, her steady grey eyes fixed on the door, waiting. She heard a voice, someone calling. She heard quiet muttering, there was more than one of them. And still she sat up straight and silent beside her father, like a proud tombstone. As she watched the door open, a faint purple light seemed to flash across both her eyes. She stood up. The frame of a witch appeared through the door. She had come back. The little girl gripped her fathers hand tightly. It was cold, so cold. The woman caught sight of them, she swayed slightly on her feet. The child saw that it wasn't her mother after all. She felt a cold, sickening relief sweep over her. Something she was much too young to fully understand.

"He won't wake up" she told the witch in a small voice. Another figure had come into the room now, an old man with a long white heard and white hair. The girl turned towards him. "Wake daddy up please" The man surveyed the little child through half-moon glasses.

"He won't wake up" he told her quietly. It sounded like an apology. The girl sat heavily on the floor, the purple light was gone from her eyes now. She stared at her own hands blankly as her two-year-old-world unravelled. He had promised he would never leave her. One small, perfect tear slid down her pale cheek.

"Albus, what do we do?" The witch asked in a slightly constricted voice "look at her, she's just a child, just a baby..." The old man bent towards the little girl.

"Alyssa" he said gently. She looked up at him. "Alyssa, you have to come with us" The girl shook her head. "We'll find someone to take care of you"

"Daddy looks after me."

"He can't do that anymore, Alyssa. He's gone. And your mummy's gone too, neither of them are ever coming home." Alyssa nodded slowly, she knew that. It didn't make it any easier.

"She's a clever girl, isn't she?" The witch's voice shook slightly. "Simon told me she started speaking in sentences when she was one year old…"

"Yes Minerva. She is a clever child. We have to be careful what we do with her."

"You can't send her to her relatives like you did with Harry, she'll go bad then. The Malfoys would turn her bad."

"I think perhaps you are right. But I had no intention of sending her to the Malfoys. Cecilia will take her, I'm sure she will bring her up well. However, she must be allowed contact with her Aunt's family. Blood is, after all, thicker than water."

"Dumbledore, you don't think she will, umm, turn out like her mother?" Dumbledore stood in silence for a moment. Alyssa was right beside them, drinking in every word. But she was too young to understand. She was too young for any of this, but old enough to understand what had happened, perhaps even remember it. She had only just turned two, it was and awful way to start the new year. Now she had to start a new life as well.

"We cannot know what the future will bring" he said simply. "But I have faith in her. Simply having a bad family does not turn you bad yourself." Then he bent down and picked up the little girl. "We will deal with this mess" he indicated around the room "once we have taken Alyssa to safety."

"I can't believe it, Albus. I really can't believe it" Minerva's voice broke. "This was supposed to be over. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is gone, he's been gone for half a year. How could this happen?"

"It happened because of his followers, because they are still being rounded up. They are desperate, desperate enough to leave their children alone in the world." He looked at Alyssa who was in his arms, still staring at her father's body. Then he turned and swept out of the room. Minerva McGonagall followed him.

It was dark outside, the streets were lined with snow. It was eerie how, well, _normal,_ everything looked after what had happened. The two figures made their way to the end of the street, the child - the baby - clutched in Dumbledore's arms. When they had reached the cover of darkness they disappeared with a loud _crack!_ Leaving it all behind.

They re-appeared in a different street, also covered in a thick blanket of snow. Silently they made their way towards a house will a mustard yellow door. Minerva closed her fist around the cold door knocker. She knocked three times. The sound rang through the large house. Inside Cecilia woke up feeling rather annoyed. She shuffled down the stairs wondering who was knocking on her door at this untimely hour. She snapped the door open angrily.

"You had better have a good reason for waking me up at this god forsaken hour or I swear I will curse you into oblivion!" She snarled.

"I do apologise Cecilia, perhaps we could come in?" Dumbledore asked politely. Cecilia glared at him but she stood aside to admit them into her home readily enough. She looked at him curiously, taking in the baby in his arms.

"What are you doing with Simon's kid?" she asked, staring at the pretty child who had now slid out of Dumbledore's arms and was peering around the room. "Baby-snatching now are we?"

The little girl opened her eyes, the early morning light was creeping through her curtained windows, extending a comforting hand towards her. She sat up and pushed the covers away from her delicately. She was tired, she had not slept much that night. She could easily be forgiven for this because today was her birthday, many children sleep badly the night before their birthday. She had stayed awake all night in a feverish excitement. Something special would happen today, she knew it. Today she turned seven.

Alyssa was often described as a bright, sparky child. She was pretty in an unusual way. Her skin was so pale, almost white. It stood out against her long hair, as dark as it is possible for hair to be without being black. There was something about Alyssa, a light that seemed to burn inside of her. No one could say she was an easy girl to look after, indeed many thought that Cecilia should be given a medal. Alyssa, being the bright and sparky child that she was, rarely sat still. She had a habit of disappearing, or else stealing Cecilia's wand at every possible opportunity. Once, poor Cecilia had walked into a room and been faced with a horrendous creature with the body of an owl and the head of Alyssa's cousin's spaniel. Of course it had been easy enough to put right, but it was so difficult to predict what she would do next.

She made her way through to the living room, her pale feet making no sound on the soft carpet. She entered the room to find Cecilia already up, a cup of tea in her hands and a pair of rather worn purple slippers on her feet.

"Happy birthday!" The woman exclaimed cheerfully. "What do you want for breakfast? Toast, cereal?" The little girl looked at her for a moment. Cecilia was not her mother, but she was as good as. No, she was better than her mother. Much better. She was a middle aged witch with a kindly but stern face. Many children would be scared of her. Alyssa wasn't. Alyssa was not scared of anything. She had decided that a long time ago.

"Do I have to have breakfast? Can't I open my presents now?"

"Well, because you are seven today and because I am too kind, I will let you skip breakfast and open your presents now." Alyssa beamed at her. It was difficult to choose which brightly wrapped parcel to open first, they all looked so exciting. But it was an envelope that intrigued her most. It wasn't shiny or colourful. It looked rather old actually. It was yellow and curling at the edges. Alyssa reached for it. Her name was written on the front in rather messy, rushed writing. For some reason her hands were shaking as she opened it. Inside there wasn't a birthday card, instead there was a piece of folded parchment. Her hands were shaking more now which she thought was rather stupid. It was only a letter! But it was the most terrible and wonderful letter she had ever or would ever receive. It was from her dad. Of course, it wasn't anything special to get a letter from your father, not for most children. But Alyssa wasn't most children, and for her it was very special to get a letter from her father. Alyssa could hardly even remember her father, because her father was dead.

When you are young things never seem as difficult. Maybe that's because you don't think about them for as long. There where a lot of things in that letter that Alyssa didn't understand. But then, letters from dead fathers are bound to be complicated. She knew her dad had died, she never questioned that. But he had known he was going to die, how did he know? Alyssa had asked Cecilia this and was told that she would understand when she was older. That was okay, she didn't mind waiting. As she grew, Alyssa thought about the letter quite a lot. At odd moments parts of it would appear in her mind, written in that blotched, hurried writing. She kept it with her always, it was the last remnants of the father she had lost.

When Alyssa was nine years old she found her first true friend. Of course there were children she played with and she had a cousin who she occasionally visited but she had never had a proper friend, someone who she trusted completely. Alyssa had never minded. She didn't need friends, not really. But then one day she was playing alone by the river and everything changed. As she crouched in the grass her eyes were drawn towards a clump of bushes. She had crawled forward and brushed aside the tangled branches. She caught sight of a small egg, alone and defenceless. It was hatching and there was no animal or bird to look after the creature inside when it came out. Alyssa felt sorry for it, she knew what it was like not to have a mummy or a daddy. She stayed and she watched it. The thing inside it struggled to get out into the world. Gradually the opening in the egg grew bigger and bigger and Alyssa could hear the beautiful soft sound the thing inside it was making. She decided it must be some sort of bird. Alyssa was right, which she was very used to, at last the chick fought its way out. It was a beautiful bird already, even though it had only just hatched. It was small and delicate with eyes as bright as amethysts. Alyssa looked at the bird and she realised it was hers, there was no one else there to take it so she did. Cecilia was very dismayed when she saw Alyssa return with the bird.

"Honestly Alyssa! Haven't I taught you anything? It could be anything, it's not like any bird I've seen! What if it's dangerous?"

"She isn't dangerous." Alyssa said simply. Cecilia let her keep it, not that she had much choice. She knew that it would break Alyssa's little heart to lose the bird. And she had to admit, it didn't look as if it _was_ dangerous anyway. It grew quickly, truly it was a beautiful bird. It was slender and magnificent, its feathers were black, so black that it sometimes seemed as though, should you reach out a hand and touch it, your hand would be enveloped in darkness.

Alyssa called her Lachrymose.

Cecilia never asked why.


	2. Chapter 2

Almost There

The streets of diagon alley were packed. Alyssa pushed her way through the crowds restlessly. She didn't like being so near so many people she would never even know. It made her feel very uncomfortable because she liked knowing things. Cecilia wasn't with her, Alyssa preferred to do things on her own when she could. She was eleven years old now and getting ready to start Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Although Cecilia would rather bite out her own tongue than admit it, she was rather relieved that Alyssa would not be with her all year long. It wasn't that she didn't like the girl, in fact she liked her very much. Alyssa was the daughter she had never had. But she wasn't easy to look after, and after the series of disturbing explosions that had been taking place all over the house, Cecilia decided she was very glad that Alyssa would learn how to control her magical abilities. A bit of peace and quiet wouldn't do any harm either.

Cecilia had been slightly apprehensive when Alyssa had informed her that she would be shopping alone, but to mention any of this would be an insult. It wasn't that she didn't think Alyssa was capable of looking after herself, she was more worried about the compulsive habits the child had which were sure to include spending sprees. Alyssa had taken the key to her Gringotts vault with almost alarming enthusiasm. True, the money in there was her own, but big though Alyssa's bank account may be, it was intended to last her well into adulthood by which time she would (hopefully) have a job and be making her own money. Cecilia had tried to give her a warning but found that it was waved away with a carefree hand. And so Alyssa and set of to buy school supplies, and Cecilia had been left at home biting her elegant fingernails.

To Alyssa's annoyance she found herself being swept along by the crowd, this was slightly inevitable due to her being quite little. She battled her way towards Madam Malkin's Robes For All Occasions. Her school list said that she needed plain black work robes. Alyssa didn't want plain black robes, they were just _so_ dull. She supposed she didn't have much choice in the matter however so she decided to just grit her teeth and bare it. She was good at doing that. Standing just outside the shop she spotted an extraordinarily large man with a fantastic mess of hair and a tangled beard. Alyssa reflected bitterly how it would have been so much easier to be shopping with him, he would part the hoards of shoppers without even trying, she would have been able to follow his wake with no hint of the discomfort she was currently going through. She entered the shop just as a thin boy with black hair left it. She had a feeling she might have smacked him with her cauldron as she passed but she decided not to dwell on it.

"Hello dear. Starting Hogwarts are you?" Alyssa spotted a cheery-looking witch who she guessed was Madam Malkin.

"Yeah I am" she replied as politely as she could. She was in a bad mood and did not particularly relish being called 'dear'.

"Parents not with you?"

"No, they're not" Alyssa reflected dryly that it would take a near miracle to have her mother here with her, even if she wanted her which she most certainly didn't. And it would take a real miracle for her father to be here since he had being lying buried in the ground for over nine and a half years and was now probably just a pile of bones. She forced herself to smile, deciding that if she was going to survive the day then she would have to cheer up, something she had become very good at doing. And so, when the next customers came into the shop she beamed at them merrily. It was a girl around her own age with a lot of bushy brown hair and protruding front teeth. She was with her parents who where donned in muggle clothing and looked slightly overwhelmed.

"Hiya! Are you starting at Hogwarts this year too? I am, I'm well excited are you?" Alyssa took in the girl's full appearance and decided she must be a muggle born.

"Yes I am. I only discovered that magic existed a little while ago actually, when I got my letter. Of course as soon as I found out I did as much research as I could" the girl had a bossy voice, Alyssa wasn't quite sure whether this was a good thing or not, generally speaking she didn't have the best track record of getting on with bossy people due to the fact that she preferred to be in charge. "I'm Hermione Granger by the way"

"I'm Alyssa Fields. So what was it like finding out about magic and stuff then? Did you totally freak out? I'd have thought someone was taking the piss!" Hermione's parents were nodding in feverish agreement.

"Okay dear, that's you done" Madam Malkin told Alyssa who paid and exited the shop, waving absentmindedly at Hermione. With a deep breath she plunged back into the sea of people. She didn't pay much attention to where she was being carried until she caught sight of Ollivander's, the shop that sold wands. Alyssa had been excited about getting a wand since she was four years old. She struggled into the shop and breathed a sigh of relief. It was dark and cool inside. She gazed in awe at the many dusty shelves, piled with thin boxes that she guessed contained wands.

"Hello there" Alyssa turned round so quickly her neck cracked.

"Ow! Umm, hi" The wizard in front of her was old and frail looking, she had a feeling that a strong gust of wind would blow him away. She dropped her bags and massaged her neck.

"You look familiar, very familiar" he said softly. Alyssa shifted uncomfortably. "Who are your parents?"

"Eh…they're no-one. Never known them. I'm adopted." Ollivander gazed quietly at her for a moment, she got the distinct feeling that he knew exactly who her parents were but he said nothing. He made his way towards the shelves and pulled out a box.

"Try this. Redwood, slightly flexible, ten inches with a phoenix tail feather core. Excellent for subjects such as divination." Alyssa waved the wand feeling rather unenthusiastic, she didn't like this wand very much. Nothing happened. As she steadily made her way through more and more boxes, Alyssa dimly hoped that she would not have to go through the whole shop before finding the right wand.

"Ebony, 13 inches. Flexible. The core is dragon heartstring. A powerful wand for most branches of magic, depending on the wizard. Or witch." Alyssa's heart fluttered with excitement when she saw the wand he was holding out. Before she had even touched it she knew it was The One. She picked it up and swished it gently, a stream of purple light emitted from the tip. She smiled triumphantly, it was about time! Ollivander was watching her intently, an unreadable expression on his face.

As Alyssa exited the shop she collided head long with a blond boy around her own age.

"Ow! Watch where you're going!" she exclaimed angrily, then blinked. "Draco? Fancy meeting you here!"

"Small world eh?" the boy snarled back, rubbing his nose ruefully. He was pale like Alyssa and they both had grey eyes. But where her hair was strikingly dark, his was white blonde. They were similar looking and were clearly related, though not too closely.

"Ah, Alyssa! How lovely to see you" The speaker was a tall wizard with long silky white blond hair, he looked like and adult version of Draco. "We haven't seen you in a while"

"Yeah, I know. I've been busy." Alyssa smiled at them, her extended 'family'. Draco was her cousin and Narcissa Malfoy was her aunt, her mother's sister. Alyssa was not overly keen on them, though she visited them occasionally. Draco had not been particularly friendly with her ever since she had (accidentally) beheaded his puppy and transferred the head onto Cecilia's owl.

Alyssa could not remember being happier to arrive home. She dumped her shopping on the ground and slumped down onto the nearest chair.

"Never again!" She said, half amused half exasperated. "That was awful! I'm doing my shopping earlier in the future" Cecilia looked at Alyssa's dishevelled appearance and decided that she was very glad she hadn't gone along on the trip.

"I did warn you, but did you listen? Much as I hate to say it, I did tell you so!"

"Oh shut up!" Alyssa snapped, but she was laughing. "I got the most awesome wand. It's made from what's-it-called…ebony. It looks so cool, it's black and it's got a dragon heartstring in it!"

"A wand isn't meant to look 'cool'" Cecilia sighed inwardly, the child never changed. But then, it would be a sad day when she did. A very sad day. She felt a lump growing in her throat at the sight on Alyssa looking so grown up. She was going to be gone soon for the best part of the year, and impossible as she sometimes was, the house would be very empty without her.

"Alyssa! Get up this instant unless you want to miss the train!" Cecilia was frantic. It was September the first and Alyssa had hardly packed. She stormed into her room and threw a pile of freshly laundered clothes on top of her sleeping form.

"What the hell are you doing?" Alyssa exclaimed indignantly once she had succeeded in fighting her way out from under the clothing.

"You haven't packed" Cecilia hissed "and if you miss the train then you can walk to Hogwarts because I will not take you!"

"Fine,_ fine! _ I'm getting up" Alyssa groaned and rubbed her eyes blearily. She extracted herself from the bed covers and stumbled towards her wardrobe. She opened it and pulled out her wooden trunk, only it didn't look much like it was made of wood. She had covered it in pictures and poems and photographs and paintings, it looked like a miniature replica of her room. She yanked it open and began to throw in everything she thought she would need. She wondered vaguely why she hadn't packed last night but she wasn't overly concerned. Maybe because her brain was still fogged up by sleep. Nevertheless, she finished packing in good time so that when they set of for Kings Cross station Cecilia was in a good mood again.

"Now _behave _when you get there" she warned Alyssa sternly.

"Of course I'll behave Cecilia, why wouldn't I be?"

"You tell me. And I mean it, I don't want you getting expelled in your first year"

"Don't worry about me, I have absolutely no intention of getting expelled"

"Glad to hear it!"

"When I break rules there is no way I plan on getting caught!" Cecilia glared at her and was about to reply when the train's whistle

blew. "Oh dear, gotta go" They hugged each other briefly, then Alyssa turned without a backward glance and jumped onto the train.

Alyssa was nervous, something that she wasn't used to. She had no idea where to sit. She didn't know anyone except her cousin and she didn't want to be in a compartment with him. She was walking along the corridor debating what to do when Lachrymose screeched horribly, causing Alyssa to jump. She turned to glare at the bird when something caught her eye. Dangling just above her head was an enormous spider. Her eyes widened in shock, what was a tarantula doing here? She reasoned that it must be someone's pet so she reached up and took it into her hand, it scuttled up her arm tickling unpleasantly.

"There it is!" Alyssa spun round, three boys where stood behind her, pointing at the spider. One of them had dreadlocks and the other two appeared to be twins. They both had violently red hair and a very respectable number of freckles.

"Don't move little girl, there's a spider on you" the boy with dreadlocks warned her.

"I've noticed" she replied icily, she very much resented being called 'little girl'. She let go of her trunk and scooped up the spider, holding it firmly she handed it over to the boy who looked mildly surprised.

"You're not scared?" he asked curiously. Alyssa glared it him.

"Oh yes, I'm terrified" she told him sarcastically. The twins laughed.

"Our little brothers terrified of spiders" said one

"Yeah, when we were younger we turned his teddy into a spider. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen! I'm Fred by the way, and this is George" he indicted towards his twin who beamed at her. Alyssa smiled, deciding that perhaps they weren't so bad after all. The boy with dreadlocks told her he was called Lee.

"I'm Alyssa" she told them "couldn't give me a hand with my stuff could you? It's dead heavy. The twin who was called Fred grabbed her trunk. Lee, whose hands were to full of spider, couldn't exactly help. George made a swipe for Lachrymose' cage. The bird screeched in protest.

"Umm, I think I'd better take Lachrymose, she's not that good with other people" she said hurriedly. She followed Fred to an empty compartment where he stowed away her trunk. "Thanks" she smiled appreciatively at them. Lee and George entered as well and sat down. Alyssa's heart swelled with relief, she needn't decide who to sit with after all, it had already been sorted.

"So, you looking forward to starting?" Asked Fred, or was it George?

"Yeah, 'course I am"

"Our little brother's starting this year as well. He's called Ron."

"So what houses are you in?" Alyssa asked curiously. It was something she was quite worried about, the bulk of her 'real' family being in Slytherin.

"We're all Gryffindor" one of the twins said proudly "the whole of our family has been. Well, except Ron and Ginny who haven't been sorted yet, but they're better be Gryffindor too."

"And Ginny is?"

"Our little sister, our only sister actually. Youngest in the family. She starts next year." Alyssa nodded slowly.

"So do the houses often run in the family?" she asked, her heart sinking.

"Not always" said Lee. "It depends on who you are, not on your parents or whatever." At this statement, Alyssa cheered up considerably.

The first-years were all gathered together, waiting to go into the hall. Alyssa felt slightly sick though she was determined not to show it. All around her were her future classmates, many of then in varying shades of green. To her excitement she had even spotted The Famous Harry Potter, scar and all. She was standing with Malfoy who had made a bee-line for her, mainly, she thought, to prove his popularity before he had even properly started school. She couldn't dwell on this thought for too long, however, as they were ushered into the hall. A wave of nausea hit her powerfully as she gazed at the sorting hat. She barely even heard its song, hats weren't supposed to sing anyway. It wasn't natural. Then, all too soon, Professor McGonagall's voice powered through her foggy thoughts as her turn arrived.

"Fields, Alyssa" she squared her shoulders, waved as confidently as she could at Lee Jordan and the twins, and stepped forwards, towards the hat.

Her first thought when it dropped onto her head was how stupid she probably looked with it half covering her face. '_Ah, vanity' _said a small voice inside her head. Damn it! 'I am _not_ vain' she told the voice _'_I just don't like looking stupid'she heard the voice chuckle softly'_So much like you mother' _Alyssa froze angrily. _'_I'm nothing like her'she replied bitterly 'and even if I am, I don't want to be' she felt a definite panic sweep over her now. _'She was a powerful witch, uncommonly so'_ 'whatever, I still don't want to be like her' _'I understand. GRYFFINDOR!'_ Alyssa nearly fainted with relief as she half walked, have skipped towards the Gryffindor table. Fred, George and Lee beamed at her as she sat down next to them.

Things were going to be alright after all.


End file.
